I was just trying to tell him about this great bid we had gotten on some work we need done at the other house. I called his phone, but he didn't pick up. I waited a little bit and tried again. Still nothing. I knew he wasn't with a client so I sent him a text to tell him I was trying to reach him because sometimes he forgets to put his ringer back on. A few minutes later I tried once more because I knew he only had a small window of time before he was busy again. Nothing. So I made lunch for Matthias and sat down to eat with him.
The phone rang and it was Anthony.
I told him about the bid.
"Oh? I thought you'd be more excited."
"I am. It's just that when I saw you kept trying to reach me, I thought maybe you had heard something about the adoption."
And I could hear in his voice that he was crying. And I started to cry. I've done that a lot over the years, but it was the first time I heard him break. My heart still hurts just thinking about it.
This time last year we registered both Matthias and Lydia for preschool. We thought for sure she would be home by the end of this year and wanted to make sure she had a spot. And this week we re-registered Matthias and I didn't even bother to mention her because sometimes to hope is to hurt.
And that's where we are at right now.
And sometimes that makes us cry.