Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Love is not enough.

Yesterday I read this article on the Duggars...okay, it was on People.com...okay, I look at People.com daily every once in awhile.

Anyway.

It was about them being open to adding to their family through adoption and how a visit to an orphanage in China opened this idea up to them and their children. They talked about how they love kids and are open to whatever God has for them...

I think people love the idea of adoption. And those that have visited an orphanage are enamored with the idea of swooping one of those children up and being their mommy or daddy. They imagine themselves loving and being loved by a child that might never have known love otherwise. There is a romance to it all.

The thing about romances is that if they aren't grounded in some reality, they come crashing down. Some marriages end in divorce because the idea of the romance of it all looses footing. "Dream jobs" are left because they didn't turn out to be what was expected. Thousands of baby bunnies are bought every year at Easter, only to be abandoned or returned once the jelly bean high wears off.

But what do you do when the romance of adoption grows cold?

I've written before about how I strongly believe that not everyone should adopt. And I have to say that one of my number one reasons as to why someone should NOT adopt is if they just LOVE the idea of it. Because let me tell you, the romance is going to come crashing down.

I learned this within the first 24 hours of becoming Nate's mom. In truth, the whole process of adopting was incredibly difficult, but I held to the thought that at the end of all the papers and waiting, I would be holding my son and that would make it all worth while. Of course, if you have been following my blog for a while you'll remember from this post that those first 24 hours were heart wrenching. Everything I had held to during the process came crashing down.  HARD.

But we hadn't entered the process because we loved kids and loved the idea of adoption.  (Although we certainly did.)  We truly had felt as though this is what God had for our family and let me tell you, I CLUNG to that conviction during those early struggles.

And that brings me back to the Duggars.

I don't doubt the fact that they are prayerful people.  And maybe God will lead them towards adoption. But I hope that they are really thoughtful about what their unique situation adds to the issues that come with adoption.  It is a little hard for me to imagine how a child would attach well in such a large biological family.  And what I am realizing is that attachment is an issue, in some form, for any adopted child.

Let love stir your heart.  Love for children.  Love for causes.  These are all beautiful things.  But love is not enough.  I wish it were, but the reality is that adoption asks a lot of us.  I don't want this to be discouraging and I definitely wish that more people would adopt, but think it through and pray it through.  You're going to need more than just love.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Six months.

Today Matthias is six months old.  Crazy.  Nathan has been a big brother for six months and let me tell you, besides the occasional (ok, CONSTANT) reminders to not get so close to Matthias's face, Nathan is an amazing big brother.  He absolutely adores his little buddy and is just so amazingly loving towards him.  He was simply meant to be a big brother.


Six months also marks how old Matthias needed to be before our entering the adoption process again.  So, we are starting some pretty exciting/scary/serious/dreamy talks in the family.  We really don't know exactly what is going to happen in all of this but we are ready to start taking steps towards our little lady that is out there somewhere.

We'll keep you posted!

Saturday, March 9, 2013

My uncle.

My uncle is in Rwanda right now.  He is over there teaching pastors theology.  It's what he loves to do and he is doing it in one of my most favorite places.  This morning he sent an email out describing a bike ride he took in the country.  He talks of the beauty of the place and tears come to my eyes as I read the words of someone I love discovering a place that I love for the first time.

He is the first family member that has gone to Rwanda besides Anthony and I (well, and Nathan of course) and if I am honest, I hate that I am not there with him.  I have wanted to share this place with my family since the first moment that I stepped on that land.  I have wanted to share it again with Anthony as I have grown to love it more deeply over the years.

I ache to take my children there.  I want to show my parents this place, this land, that gave us their first grandson.  I want to watch as my mom is hugged by the women there.  I want to see my dad shake the hands of the men and be swarmed by the children.  I want to see my oldest, Adele, who desperately wants to go, look into the eyes of children her own age, whose lives are so different.

I want to go back.  And I want to share it with those I love in the worst way.

I'm thankful that my uncle is there.  That he is getting to see a part of who we are in those hills.  That he is growing in his understanding of where my son comes from.  But oh, how I wish I could be there with him.