Monday, October 24, 2011

3 years...

Did I actually accomplish it this year?!

Happy anniversary little man. My life changed that day in way I could have never imagined. I love you sweet son.

video

Monday, October 3, 2011

what haunts me.

Just so you know, I still intend on posting pictures and more video from my trip, but not today...

I've had a lot on my mind lately and if I'm honest, I'm struggling.

You know that feeling of dropping your kid off at preschool for the first time and how you get all emotional in part because your baby is growing up, but also because all of a sudden your child is doing some of life without you and that hurts. For all these years their lives have been only lived out before you and now all of a sudden they are going on this journey without you there.

Welcome to the world of adoption.

If God has for us other children, then right now, they are at preschool. They are living lives without me. They have these little journeys that they are on that I am not a part of and I have to be honest, it haunts me. It hurts so much because I'm a mama and I want to be there. I want to be the one that comforts them when they fall down and praises them when they accomplish something. I want to check on them at night and see their little sleeping forms, covering them back up when they've kicked off their covers. But I can't, and it haunts me.

I'm thankful that I believe in a God that is there. A God that is comforting me and caring for them all at the same time. There is a peace that comes with that and there are times when I truly am able to just rest in that...and then there are days like today, when knowing that doesn't keep me from aching.