Wednesday, March 23, 2011

family blog post

I just blogged on here, but had also blogged on our family page earlier today and wanted to provide a link for that too. It was one of those entries that could easily have been put on here too, so I wanted to include it for my adoption followers.



This is my nephew, Owen. I stole this picture from his mom's photography website because it is my favorite one of him and the pitiful one that I took of him yesterday, just wasn't going to cut it.

You may be wondering why I am blogging about Owen today...I'm sure his mom is. It's not because he is adopted, he's not. And it isn't because he is just so dang cute, although he totally is (he gets that from me). But rather it's because he is almost ten months old...

I was at the hospital when he was born. I held him and smelled that sweet baby smell on him that night. I have watched him grow and change these last ten months as he has reached all those amazing little milestones that his mom has captured on her family blog. First smile and tooth, crawling and feeding...all those things that mamas cherish. And as the months have gone by, I have become increasingly aware that I missed this.

Nathan was almost eleven months old when he was placed in my arms. And each of these things that I am watching Owen discover and his mom fall in love with him over, I missed.

I have two nieces too, but they are around Nate's age and were either past these things by the time we brought Nate home or I was still in that new mama fog and not paying much attention to anything outside our walls. But now that years have past, I have been able to sit back and think about what I missed. And you know what, I'm grieving.

How could I not? How could I not ache over the life my son lived before us? Don't get me wrong, we have had so many firsts with him and I cherish them, perhaps even more so, but I still grieve what I missed. It's one of those things that adoptive parents have to deal with. One of those things, that unless you are one, you don't get. You may think you do, but you don't. You don't know what it is like to watch your nephew wave at you for the first time and swell with love and sorrow at the same time.

And as I sit here typing this out, I'm crying. Not only over the loss of those things with Nate, but because I am in this unique time of also being aware that God may have two little ones over in Rwanda that are having firsts that I am missing again. And my heart hurts.

It's one of those things. One of those things that as adoptive parents we have to give to God, who can carry all our sorrows. And there are a lot of them, things that we grieve over that those with only biological children never have too. I know, because for years that was what I was and I didn't know these sorrows. I hadn't shed these tears.

But now I am, and now I have. And while I am so thankful for all the things that I haven't missed with Nathan, I'm allowing myself to mourn over our loss. I'm watching this silly little nephew of mine and wondering at those months I missed.

It is bittersweet, this adoption thing. So imperfect and yet so beautiful. There's just nothing quite like it.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I'm going to Rwanda this summer.

No, no babies to go get...but I'm going to Rwanda and I can't wait.

I wish I could explain to you how I miss those hills, how I long to hear those beautiful accents and take in all the lovely colors and sounds. My heart lives on two continents and this summer I get to join it for a week in that amazing country. And I can't wait.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Adoption Class

So, our church is going to be having a class on adoption starting this Sunday. It is a 7 week class and is open to anyone interested in adoption or even just wanting to get into the conversation about adoption. It is from a great curriculum and should be really good. If you would like to sign up, here is the link. (It's the third class on the list.)

In order to promote the class, I had the priviledge of writing and helping direct and edit a video that played at our church Sunday morning, so I figured I would share it with you. Enjoy!

Adoption Video